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Comments for 'Charge of the Grunt Brigade - Part Two: Troops (Continued)' |
Walker
4:43 pm | November 22, 2003
Nothing is bad about Wado. I merely quoted a person, or persons, who thought I did better than him. Yes, I have read my books. And it's Dr. Halsey, not Hasley. And, yes, I beleive I did do a fine job of insulting you... even if I didn't, at least I used legible English.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Nightblade
3:35 am | November 17, 2003
well, well WALKER is seems you have obviously read the halo books.HMMMMMM, DR. Hasley, gee that names sounds farmilliar. AND whats so bad about Wado, hu? comment me on my latest story to TRY to diss me. Oh wait.... i forgot you cant dis me, ou dont know how. Come back with your momS
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Walker
8:11 pm | September 22, 2003
I'm sorry to say I'm quickly becoming bored with this series. I'm going to try and hurry and finish it so I can write the new one I've been writing in my head. Thanks for your support, though.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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MasterGrunt
10:26 pm | September 20, 2003
THis story is fantastic. I love the way you develop the personality of each character. This series has alot of potential.
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Walker
8:00 pm | September 17, 2003
Okay. Thanks, Wado.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Wado
4:19 pm | September 17, 2003
My previous comments almost exclusively apply to "Charge of the Grunt Brigade - Part Two: Troops" and not any of the other story posts.
The first chapter in this series only introduced the Covenant defectors at the end. The rest as used to build up the setting. I liked that and had no problem with the first chapter in this series. I wanted "Charge of the Grunt Brigade - Part Two: Troops" to have a similar feel, leaving me wondering what could happen next.
Anyway, the story is very good. Keep it up.
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Walker
10:30 am | September 17, 2003
I see what you're saying, Wado. But to not reveal to the reader that the troops are friendlies would mean I would have to cut out almost the whole first chapter. Even if I said nothing at the beginning of the chapter, you'd probably suspect that these troops were the ones mentioned in Colonel, and even if you didn't it would be a bit suspicious how the whole camp is not swooping down on them... but, maybe those could have all been signs that something was going wrong, and make the Marines think "WTF?" I can see this going either way. If it didn't mess with what's already been written, I'd probably go your way.
Thanks for the commentary. It means a lot to me.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Wado
8:27 am | September 17, 2003
Walker, as usual I'm impressed by your writing and the story. Great job.
I have to be honest, though, I think the whole story would have read much better if you had not included the very beginning section with the Grunts and Jackal: Starting at the "The two Grunts walked back and forth before their barracks..." and ending with "...But no plan is foolproof."
Just knowing that the marines were firing on friendlies completely changed the way I read the story. Imagine this story without knowing the Covenant are friendlies and then adding just a bit more later about how the Covenant defectors were stationed where they were.
The reader (me) would be cheering for the marines and then like, after the truth is revealed -- damn, they really screwed up.
That's all I can really say about this. Keep up the writing. Take care.
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FOrunnER
3:00 am | September 17, 2003
Finally!! It's here. Great, I can't wait to see how these guys act in combat against there fellow kin and towards there human allies of the battlefield.
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Alpha Lance
8:13 pm | September 16, 2003
Ferguson- HE, He, you used my last name. But serously, I am amazed at your writing. Because this is pure brillint. it's not the best series going right now, but it is brillint man. I'm looking forward for more of your stories. And keep up the great work. (10/10)
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Walker
8:11 pm | September 16, 2003
Thanks for the honest opinion, Elfster. I've never gotten a rating in the 8s. If you could provide me with information that you based your rating on, I might be able to improve my story. Thanks.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Elfster
8:09 pm | September 16, 2003
Oops. Sorry. I meant 8.5/10
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Elfster
7:53 pm | September 16, 2003
DUDE, I completely disagree, I'm not saying Walker sucks or anything like that, but you cant say that Wado's new fan fic isnt as good as this.
Im not saying ones better, but I know that this one in particular isnt "The best" fan fic out right now.
I give it a 8/10.
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DUDE
7:28 pm | September 16, 2003
This is by far the best work on HBO right now. Please keep it coming, everything else people are writing right now is not exciting or anthing. Later big pimp.
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Sergeant B
7:28 pm | September 16, 2003
Great story!
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Steele
7:17 pm | September 16, 2003
Yep, great story, Walker. Hope to see more; they have a flashy title...
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hornet34
6:00 pm | September 16, 2003
Sorry I couldn't provide you with the correct term, but its slipped my mind. Anyway, keep it up.
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Walker
5:29 pm | September 16, 2003
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're right, PreacherCain and Hornet. I remembered there was some weird word for an insectlike bodypart, and mandible was the one that came to mind. I can't remember what the one for hands was, and I assumed that was it without conducting further research. I'll try not to do that next time. Thanks for your comments. I'll fix the mistakes on my own personal copy of the story.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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hornet34
3:47 pm | September 16, 2003
I'm pretty sure PreacherCain is right. The mandible and maxible comprise the jaw and the area below the nose on a human, if I'm not mistaken. But besides that and a small number of spelling and grammatical errors, this was a great story.
Once again I have to give creativity points, this isn't something you see in every fanfic and it will be nice to see how its played out. Also, your characters act very real and are in-depth, also a nice break from the emotionless supersoldiers that sometimes get wrote up in these pages. Keep up the good work.
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PreacherCain
1:12 pm | September 16, 2003
I've been waiting to see how this story would continue, and it's been well worth the wait! The tension between human and Covenant troops is well-revealed, and I'll be interested to see how it develops in future. I thought the characterisation of the troops was nicely drawn, especially the officers - again, there's plenty of room for these characters to grow, and I hope it will be well-used. Oh, and the pissed-up squaddies were excellent!
:-)
One point on vocab though - you've used the word "mandible" a few times, in the context of "hand" or "arm". As far as I remember (and I can't check since I don't have an OED in the office) "mandible" means "jawbone", or "insect mouthparts". You might want to check it out, anyway. I may well be wrong...
So - a cracking continuation to a very interesting story, and I look forward to part 3. Get writing! :-)
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Walker
11:42 am | September 16, 2003
Please review here and not in the "Troops" review column so you can comment on this story as a whole. Thanks for your cooperation.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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