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 Comments for 'The Center of Death'		  | 
	 
 
  
	
		
			Helljumper  
3:29 pm | April 27, 2004 
			Hey i got a shout out, i feel so special... sorry i lose my stone cold killer persona. Yea!
  ODST first to rise last to fall Helljumpers just kill stuff
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			Helljumper  
11:45 am | April 27, 2004 
			I couldn't read it because u kept useing As _____, as _____, it gets annoying
  ODST
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			CoLd BlooDed  
1:39 am | April 27, 2004 
			Thanks for the mention, Nick!  :)
  Yeah, the story needs work, but since it's your first time I won't criticize you much either.  Listen to what the others said and you should be fine.
  Oh, and before I forget, don't go around using Nick Kang's name and callin' people faggots, and since we know it was you... don't do it anymore, not cool.
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			Nick Kang  
12:36 am | April 27, 2004 
			I know this 'shawn', so I get to rub stuff in his face.  YAY!!!!
  1.  Okay, let's start by saying: you play it on Easy WAAAAAY too much.  Five Marines against 2 Hunters...boom.  One big blood-cake.  
  2.  Covie dropships don't have cockpit windows...so how could Sarge shoot it out?  
  3.  Need a lot more detail in there.
  4.  Not enough action...you need a certain amount of skill to make a story good without much action...something this story doesn't demonstrate very well.  
  Now I know this is your first fanfic, so I won't come down on you full force.  For good examples of stories...read stuff by CoLd BlooDed, Helljumper, or any of the other great authors of the site.
  NK
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			Nick Kang  
12:09 am | April 27, 2004 
			It was okay...I little choppy, and E14's name is Foehammer, not Full Hammer.  Warthog is capitalized.
  NK
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			Nick Kang  
12:07 am | April 27, 2004 
			Oh yeah Shawn... I quote: "I am so much better at writing than you, Ben!"
  NK
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			The author  
12:03 am | April 27, 2004 
			sry the story is so confusing. but this is just my first one. hofully they will get better as i write more. feel free to write some ideas to help me with other storys.
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