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Comments for 'Hope: Battle of the Falls Forest (Pt. 1, Ch. 1)' |
Mainevent
5:02 pm | May 29, 2004
Like all things, it depends on the size of the ship as to how many rounds it takes to disable a ship's shields.
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the author
4:28 am | May 29, 2004
yeah...i know i made quite a bit of mistakes when i wrote it (i just read it). I read the first couple of lines and i was like "f*cken a, how did i not catch that" or "wat the hell was i doing". I defintely thought that when i had it "why are somethin somethin" that screwed the thing up right there. It didn't help that it was very first paragraph
I guess the reason i had so many mistakes was that i had it all planned out in my head, and i was so excited to finally write one that had a lot of potential, that it came to me so fast i kinda crammed it in there witout a reason. And i was in a hurry cuz it was like midnight and i was tired and i didn't feel like proof reading it.
Now that i am gonna be done with school, i'll have more time to get my thoughts and the story lined up. I'm going to spend a shit load of time on the next one. I hope u guyz will at least read the next one, it'll be better and more well thought out. Like MCC said that if i develop my story, it'll be worth following.
Where the hell r u guyz findin the code, i can't find it.
And it was two Covenant Carriers, not one. And it seemed that in the book FAll of Reach, i thought it seemed like it took more than one shot from the MAC gun to take out the shield of the Covenants ships, i might be wrong.
lata
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JAWS
9:48 pm | May 28, 2004
i alreddy hav a headake ges i shoont reed it
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MC's Cousin
1:42 pm | May 28, 2004
Well, I really couldn't finish reading the first section of that. Even spacing out the dialogue would have made it much better.
It went by mch to fast. And Cortana and MC didn't sound like themselves. And you facts were off. It sound like you skimmed through the books, but I really suggest that you thouroughly read through them a couple times each to get every detail and storyline-related-fact cemented down in your noggin. I will admit that the storyline sound remotely interesting, though I couldn't really tell, seeing as I developed a headache during the first minute of reading.
Use the code, and develpe your story more, and you might have something worth reading and following.
Signing Off
MCC
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MetalGhost
3:16 pm | May 27, 2004
not too bad, proof read it tho
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Nick Kang
9:36 pm | May 26, 2004
Furthermore, a dozen UNSC ship could easily take out a Covenant Carrier. It only takes three MAC shots to do so. A dozen MAC shots would be severe overkill times two.
NK
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Nick Kang
9:32 pm | May 26, 2004
Separate dialogue, make the dialogue less corny, identify who is speaking, use the same tense throughout the entire story, use proper punctuation and comma use, proofread your story, use the code, yadda, yadda, yadda. The list goes on forever.
NK
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russ687
7:39 pm | May 26, 2004
This story was not very good, and it was hard to read with many errors in there. Proof-read it two or three times (minimum) before posting.
AI's sleep?
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Helljumper
3:12 pm | May 26, 2004
I stopped after the first line, the UNSC does not have an Army, they have a Marine Corps. i say Cortana and knew you were writing about SPARTANS so i won't read it.
ODST
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