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Comments for 'Defending America Part 2: Defending DC' |
Mastergrunt
9:39 pm | May 29, 2004
Don't really know what to say.
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someone that you dont know
10:01 am | May 29, 2004
You know, this "Shawn" that you keep talking about is exactly the reason why I am forced to go through major inconveniences to make myself clear.
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Nick Kang
10:15 am | May 27, 2004
Well, someone, I don't think you need to clarify that little point. No one on the site is dumb (except maybe Shawn.)
NK
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someone that you dont know
4:39 am | May 27, 2004
and for you stupid people out there, if you didnt notice already that i was joking, I dont really eat blood and gore (gross)
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someone that you dont know
7:46 pm | May 26, 2004
Hey, its me again! The pryo-lovin, gore n blood eater that has been waiting for say, 2 MONTHS for your second fanfic. Grammar is way better than your first one. But this one wasnt as cool. (No big fireball) You got potential, keep this up. Oh yea, you've learned and didnt use outlandishly huge numbers and kept it to a fair 300. Nice. 7.5/10 keep it up.
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Nick Kang
6:32 pm | May 26, 2004
Much like Neo finally understood the code at the end of the Matrix, I finally see the badness of not using the code...I SEE THE LIGHT!
Other than that, it wasn'at as good as your last one, but I have seen a lot worse. And just to clear things up, it wasn't me insulting you on your last story. It was the imposter of me. Ask anyone.
NK
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russ687
4:39 pm | May 26, 2004
also...
Your battle, while large, lacked detail. ItT sounded like a Risk(c) game, where ten guys fall here, another twenty there...
I know its hard to write about big battles, but somewhere in there you need to give some detail on whats happeneing. For all I knew, they were in the lake in front of the Monument getting slaughtered because they had no cover.
Also, your Marines (or National Guardsmen) are over rated. They cannot take out Elites with one or two shots, and the Elites can easily over power humans, especially with their shields. (I Noticed a time where your character incapciated an Elite with one shot). I know your using the new Battle Rifle, but I doubt it has the fire power to do that. You need to write more about the humans using their intellect and wits to win, not just lucky shots and superior numbers.
Like I said below though, this series has great potential, you just need to bring it back to something more detailed and realistic. Oh yeah...Elites fight to the death unless there is a higher goal they must achieve, and from what I read in your story, they were simply seizing D.C., not trying to recover Forerunner articfacts or stuff like it.
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russ687
4:24 pm | May 26, 2004
I like how you show the morale of the tropos defend America...urrah!
But the story was difficult to read. Indent your paragraphs or break it up more and put spaces in there. This could be an awesome series if you clean up the writing a little.
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Helljumper
2:45 pm | May 26, 2004
um u need to use the code, the beginning didn't catch my attention so i only read the first paragraph.
ODST
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romac1991
11:26 am | May 26, 2004
pretty quiet here
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