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Comments for 'Beach Invasion' |
Covie_Lover
11:17 am | July 22, 2004
Yuck...
Are Startans supposed to be so vicous and violent, or are you just one of those people who enjoy that kind of thing? I don't think that i've ever heard of them torturing grunts that ambush them, or "taking a certain pleasure" at the Elite's brains splattered on the wall. That's horrible.
i'd give this a 2/10. And that's being generous
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343 Salty Beans
6:14 am | July 22, 2004
He did use it, in second person. However, he switched to third, then back to second, like Slit Throat said.
One other thing I noticed...and I see in a lot of stories.
HELLOOO! Normal humans canNOT dual wield. Only Spartans can, due to their augmentation...and even then their aim drifts from the kickback.
It's the same in real life. Try firing two Uzis or Mack 10s...or even .22 pistols. It's just too hard to hold the aim steady.
343SB
PS: Sorry for the harshness. It's just a pet peeve...kind of like when people name their ships EXACTLY mimicking PoA and T&R (ex. Column of Spring, Pity & Retribution).
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I love Acharya S
2:54 am | July 22, 2004
Please, please use the correct verb participle when writing and for gods sake, use punctuation! Good story and concept though, just needed a LOT of mechanics improvement.
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HoZ
4:28 pm | July 21, 2004
as an addon there was to much detil where it wasnt needed and not enough is most place where it was needed
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russ687
4:17 pm | July 21, 2004
What Slit Throat said.
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Slit Throat
1:24 pm | July 21, 2004
I haven't seen many second person perspective stories here. You switched to third person about halfway through which throws off the reader and, to make matters worse, switched back.
Spelling and grammar were decent. Numbers should be written out and there is really no need to say what kind of ammunition was used.
Another thing, the Spartans would not deliberately engage in a fistfight, nor would they treat a pair of Grunts as a joke. They would kill them and move on, nothing fancy.
5/10
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