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Comments for 'Halo: A Troubled Galaxy Ch. 3' |
Awacar
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
Great story, I like the way that Chief acts. It's happening much in this story, almost too much. Write things a little more detailed and I'll sheer.
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Awacar
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
Fantastic! Good story, fine grammar and the story goes on with the exactly right tempo. Great balance of details and action. Ghost, I wish I could write as good as you... 9,6/10
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Awacar
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
Sorry, ghost, the last post I sent was ment for Myth. Hope you'll read his story.
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Ghost
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
Thanks Awacar for the pep talk I have read Myth's stories and I like them a lot thanks again anyway.
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Ghost
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
Hey guys can you write your rating of my stories from 1 to 10 thanks!
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Awesomedudeman
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
great story, my rating: 3 elite skulls out of 5.
you've improved alot since the first story, just work on your grammar and spelling some (for instance, mortar is spelled m-o-r-t-a-r, you spelled it motor a few times) but good character development, and the fact that the humans don't have everything go in their favor, it's realistic, once again, 3 skulls out of 5.
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Awesomedudeman
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
sorry bout that, wrong link, i haven't read yer story yet, but i will. hope i can give it as good a rating
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ghost
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
im gonna post ch.4 and then make an all in one story and fix the errors in the story asap!!!!
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mini man
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
whats with the 2 links for another story jeez go to the frikin right story, anyway great story!!!!
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Awesomedudeman
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
Well, i read your story, and well, it sucked. Not a bad plot, but the grammar is bad, and there is no dialogue at all. Here is an example of how you right:
The chief said get some amo and some rifles. Follow me. Its will be a hard fight. All the marines said Ok, well go. Then they went off on this dangerous mission that would go wrong. When they got their there were a bunch of Elites with plasma rifles who shot at them. A marine said lets flank them. So a bunch of marines went and flanked them. The marines won. A few marines died in the battle.
Here is a much better way to right the same info:
"You might wanna grab some weapons and ammo, it's gonna be one helluva fight. You sure you still want in?" the Master Chief asked.
"We're behind you all the way, man! OORAH, muthafuckin Semper Fi!!!"
"Alright, let's go!"
On the way they stopped at the armory and grabbed some weapons and gear, and hawked as much whiskey as they could from the Southern quarter master.
When they arrived, they realized that they were pretty screwed, as Elite after Elite piled out of bunkers to engage them. As soon as they were in range, the marines began to pump some serious lead out of their Assault Rifles, killing about 6 or 7 Elites right away, but then the Elites opened up, answering them with a barrage of plasma, scattering the marines and causing some casualties, but the quickness of the marines saved them. Both sides sought cover, and began an intense firefight. One marine mowed down a blue elite with his shotgun when it got too close, but the soldier next to him had a plasma grenade mold to his face, and it exploded, killing 4 marines and sendind several more flying in a shroud of burning plasma.
The marines were now starting to take serious casualties as the Elites had retreated to the bunker complex and had called in air support. Just then, a marine spotted a small trail leading around the Covenant positions. He begged the MC to take some marines and flank the Covenant. The MC reluctantly relented and gathered 10 marines and led them through the trail and around the Covenant positions.
"Alright, on my signal, have squads 3,4,6,and 8 charge, 2 and 5, hit the rearat an angle so that we don't have any crossfire issues of our own, and 1 and 7 come with me and roll up their left flank. Any questions?"
"NO SIR!!"
With that Master Chief gave the signal via radio, and the marines charged. The Covenant had no chance at all. Right about the time that they were taking heavy crossfire from front and rear, the MC's two squads hit the flank, and it was a chaotic massacre. None of the Elites even tried to surrender. This was common, because when they saw the green-armored Spartan, Master Chief, they decided that dying at the hands of this human would bring them more honor in the afterlife than being captured and tortured to death by vengeful humans...
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Awesomedudeman
12:00 am | January 1, 1970
Sorry for the long post, but i was bored and i'm banned from the forum.
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